Plastic surgery trend is 'behind' us
By LORI BORGMAN
We have been nipping and tucking our faces, chests and thighs for so long, it is only logical that we now turn the scalpel to the derriere.
A young woman was on one of those plastic surgery shows complaining that her perky parts weren't perky enough, her thin parts weren't thin enough and her curvy parts weren't curvy enough.
Hey, who hasn't felt the pull of gravity? My knees are now where my ankles used to be.
I looked at the gal on screen with great compassion and understanding. I also looked at her and thought, "Sweetie, the first thing you could do to improve your looks is chip off some of that makeup, give up the booze and get a good night's sleep.
And I wonder why they never ask me to produce.
In any case, the doctor was nodding and offering a sincere "hmmm" to all of her concerns. Then, in a voice-over, he said he was going to make this young woman perkier, firmer, curvier and, I quote, "give her the most popular surgery package in California today by also giving her a Brazilian butt."
I had no idea we were now identifying backsides by nationality. All of which leads to a host of questions: First, is this a good thing?
Secondly, are the people of Brazil happy about this?
Finally, has there been a United Nations resolution making this firm?
Is a well-endowed gluteus maximus really something any nation desires to be known for? An eagle makes a fine national symbol. A tree can be good, even a maple leaf. The back end does not lend itself to being memorialized on flags, coins, currency or even incorporated into a national motto. "In Glutes We Trust." Who wants that on a national seal?
The Brazilian people have every right to be proud of their natural endowments, but I fear we are doing them a disservice by not looking at the larger picture. The French have their sidewalk cafés and Eiffel Tower. The Greeks have their islands and inlets with turquoise water. The Swiss have their chocolate, the Italian their sauces. Do the Brazilians truly want to be known for the rear view?
Even from an export standpoint, it doesn't work: Japan exports cars, electronics and computers. Germany's exports include metals, coal and machinery.
Brazil exports sugar, coffee, beef and "junk in the trunk." That is the kind of thing that can snap back and bite you on the backside.
But, perhaps on the plus side, and apparently there are plenty of those in Brazil, all of this opens the door to a whole new pool of conversation starters.
"Excuse me, is that a Brazilian backside you're wearing?"
"Why no, actually it's a Finnish Fanny."
"But, of course! I should have known!"
What about those maps on which students label countries and identify major exports by the little icons beneath the country's name. The United States has office machines, vehicles, and boxes of cereal. What little pictures will the children identify on a map of Brazil?
Exactly. I don't think so.
It is always nice to feel like you're sitting on top of the world, but this is a seat that comes with a heavy cost.
To contact Lori Borgman, e-mail her at lori@loriborgman.com.